So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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