This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
