dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
