I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
