my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
