Sponge bath it is.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
is wine microwaveable?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
