I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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