Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
