So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
