dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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