no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
