so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
