She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
