my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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