It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
