ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
