God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
