Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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