She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
