Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Randomize
