It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
They are going to name an STD after you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
