party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
