i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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