guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
