She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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