Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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