remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Let's get the cat blown out
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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