No stitches, just platelets and will power
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
