im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
