So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
3 2 1 whiskey
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
