You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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