rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
