Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
