I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
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I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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