similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
