Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
