And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
