I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
