I'm eating all of the evidence.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize