First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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