Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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