I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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