The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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