I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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