I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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