I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
