I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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