Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your dick twin last night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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