Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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