dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
