I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
soo... how was my night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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