I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
