I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
