I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
