if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
no more duck duck goose at the bar
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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