Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
