I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
