It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
