he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
