you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
