If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
