Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
