Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
