She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
