i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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