I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize