One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
