Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I will pee on everything he values.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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