Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
