Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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