So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
