Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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