You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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