Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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