How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
