Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
