What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
